Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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