You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
