Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize