they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
