just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
