I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
