you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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