had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
