i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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