is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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