im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
