I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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