I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
