I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
