Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
