oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
