nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
