I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
