sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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