hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
