Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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