I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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