"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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