Buhtt sex?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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