i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
