i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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