There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
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