Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
