whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
NoShamevember. You game?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
