ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
