I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
