I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
