so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
