Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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