i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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