fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
