OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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