she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
