he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize