she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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