I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
