I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
