I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
