Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
