By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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