So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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