It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
