She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
