I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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