If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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