I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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