True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
