grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
