we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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