Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize