I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
