call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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