areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
