Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
