someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
