Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You are the jesus of drinking
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
