Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I party with great urgency now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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