Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
